Infant Reflux: A Blessing In Disguise

On June 24, 2014 just 6 short weeks after my firstborn turned one, I found out that I was pregnant with my 2nd baby. It was a complete shock, and not a welcomed one! I regret having felt this way, but I honestly did not feel ready for another baby at the time. My oldest was still a baby! I am very much a planner and this did not fit my plan. I have learned the hard way that God's timing and His plan is divine, much greater than my own and perfectly suited for me. Thank goodness for an all knowing Lord who always has my best interest in mind!

The day before finding out that I was expecting again, I burned myself severely with bacon grease. Yep, you heard me right. Boiling hot bacon grease!

Ugly, I know.

To sum it up, we had company coming over, I was running behind schedule with a toddler under my feet, and I let the bacon burn! In my haste to get the smoking bacon out of my house, I hit the door frame and 425 degree bacon grease pours and drips down my leg. Can you even imagine the pain? It was pretty awful! The very next day, I found out a new baby is on the way. So saying that I was less than thrilled about this pregnancy is putting it lightly. I cried and sobbed like there had been a death in the family. I blame it on raging pregnancy hormones and the fact that I had basically melted the skin off my leg the day prior. My reaction must have really worried my husband, because the next day he sent me the most beautiful roses to cheer me up and reassure me that everything would work out just fine.

If the events surrounding the discovery of the pregnancy were any indicator of what was to come, I should have known then that I was in for a wild ride!

Fast forward to February 2015. I'm 9 months pregnant, I'm huge, I'm miserable, I have a 21 month old who's had rotavirus twice in the last month, oh and I just turned 30. Not exactly I how I had envisioned gracefully exiting my twenties! Either way, I am past ready to have this baby! That's what I thought at least. People always say no two babies are alike, and I had never really given that much thought until I had my second child, and for us that statement could not have been more true! 

Brinn Ashley Hightower made her grand debut on February 23, 2015. A perfect and beautiful gift from our Heavenly Creator. She strongly resembled her older brother who was equally just as adorable, and like her brother, she had jaundice. Okay, no biggie. But from that point on, everything else played out differently. There was no sunlight to help in our favor during a February ice and snow storm. No sunlight means no window time. There were also no bili lamps available to rent. So the day after being discharged from the hospital, we were re-admitted to the hospital so that Brinn could lay under the hospital's bili light to help the bilirubin count go down. Just imagine trying to sleep in a room with your newborn, worrying that she's freezing {which she wasn't}, with a lamp turned on that was as bright as an open tanning bed. Yeah, sleep wasn't happening!

We only had to stay two nights {we think?!}. Then a portable bili light that we could rent became available. We snatched that thing up and went home as fast as we could. 

We used that lamp day and night for two weeks. Eventually her bili count went down and we able to move forward with our new "normal" and life with 2 kids under 2 years old. While we had no major issues, we did still have a few minor newborn hurdles to jump. In the first few days of the newborn haze, I noticed Brinn was spitting up a lot. It's all a blur now because this was also taking place while we were going back into the hospital for the jaundice. So little time had passed, that I initially thought the spit up might be normal. I quickly realized that this was more than just initial newborn spit up. This was projectile spit up. Explosion spit up. Get the mop kind of spit up. This was something Dane had never done! This was something I had never witnessed or experienced with anyone. Ever. This was alarming! 

See! I'm not exaggerating!

By the time she was one week old, we had tried 4 different formulas, all at the recommendation of our pediatrician, in hopes that something would make her tummy happy and stay down. We finally stuck with one called Nutramigen.. its sticky, expensive, and smells disgusting, but it was the most gentle and easily digested formula recommended. Easily digested also means that what little formula was able to stay down, went straight through her {you get the idea!}, so it was a giant mess at both ends. Imagine dealing with something similar to a violent stomach virus, day in and day out. You can totally see why we were concerned. At some point during the first few weeks, we did a barium swallow..again at the recommendation of our doctor. It's an x-ray. The baby drinks liquid barium, which coats the lining of the upper GI tract, and x-ray images are taken to reveal whether or not there are any anatomical abnormalities. Meaning we were checking to make sure that she did not have a twisted bowel that could be prohibiting proper digestion. Not knowing for sure what was causing her to throw up so violently was nerve-racking for me. The whole process was pretty quick, and PRAISE GOD everything looked completely normal on the x-ray images! So the verdict...infant reflux. The little muscle between her esophagus and stomach was weak, making it difficult to keep the milk down. We had hoped and prayed that it would be "just" that. Nothing serious and nothing worse. "Just" reflux. I mean, how bad could it be? Our doctor kept it real and was very honest...she's going to be just fine but time and growth were the only cure. How much time, you ask? A year. A solid year. Even though it was "just" reflux, hearing that was still discouraging news. We still had a battle to fight. My baby would projectile vomit bottle after bottle after bottle, and I was helpless. As a mother, being completely helpless is a hard place to exist in. 

For example:

Every 2-3 hours I would sit down and feed the baby. 

Nine times out of ten, she would immediately spit up the entire bottle all over us both. 

I would then lay her down and change both our outfits.

Next, clean the furniture.

Then, mop the floor.

Lastly, make a new bottle and start all over.

We would repeat this entire process 1-3 times before a bottle would stay down. I remember one of the hardest nights we had, I changed our clothes, cleaned, and mopped 5 different times from 6pm-2am. If just reading that exhausted you, imagine the frustration and exhaustion of living it and being totally helpless. Double the formula, double the bottle washing, double the laundry, you name it and it was twice as much. Swing, couch, glider, car seat, stroller - no surface was safe. Most importantly, we had constant worry that my precious newborn was feeling discomfort and pain. If you have ever experienced reflux as an adult, you know how uncomfortable it is. Sadly, it was no easier for her. At some point, Brinn was put on infant Zantac. It did not stop the reflux, and we knew that it wouldn't, but we hoped it would make her more comfortable at least. 

I wish that I could say I handled all this with grace. But between sleep deprivation, roller coaster hormones, and constant worry for my baby girl, I did not handle it well, but I did the best I could. Am I aware that things could have been much worse? Yes. Some babies have reflux more severely than Brinn. Do I understand that in the grand scheme of things my baby is completely healthy? Yes, absolutely! So many children and parents deal with much larger, scarier issues. But it does not change the fact that this was a challenging, difficult season to walk through. I did a lot of reading and research about infant reflux during those first several months. I read somewhere that infant reflux often results in "the hurting family," meaning it affects us all, and boy did it ever! I thought she would never improve. Every day felt like an eternity. One year old and walking seemed like a milestone that would never come. The truth of the matter is, that between caring for a toddler and doing the daily tasks of sheer survival mode I did not get to savor and enjoy my new baby. I felt guilt about the feelings I had, but honestly I just wanted time to pass, my baby to grow, and the puking to stop. I was rushing her to grow, willing her to grow. I did get my wish and now those hard days of reflux are just a memory. Whether we like it or not, the clock spins and days pass. In just a few short days my baby girl will be ONE, and looking back on her first year, time flew by! I think it was a combination of busier life with two babies and just the busyness that comes along with caring for a reflux baby that makes our last year a blur. Brinn rarely has a spit up episode anymore and I know that prayer, time, and growth have made all the difference. 

There were lots of blessings in the chaos: many gifts of that really expensive formula, many phone calls of encouragement, many prayers lifted up on our behalf, bonding with cherished friends, and a fantastic pediatrician. After walking this journey and cleaning many, many messes I learned a few things. In trials, you find out quickly who is a part of your support system, and you lean on them hard! I'm beyond grateful to the Lord, for being our ever present help, He was faithful and carried us through this entire journey. I completely agree that no two babies are the same. My experiences with my babies were very different, one easy and one more challenging. God's plan and timing for everything is perfect, I was wrong for questioning that. In hindsight, I'm grateful for this journey because its drawn me closer to the Lord. God has used people and circumstances over this past year to get my attention and turn my eyes towards Him. For that reason alone I consider infant reflux a blessing in disguise. I also realize that our journey is our testimony and I pray that, Lord willing, my walk might be used to help influence someone else's life for the better. 

HERE ARE A FEW TRICKS I DISCOVERED FOR COPING WITH INFANT REFLUX:

* Feed baby on an easily cleaned, wipeable surface {i.e. leather recliner}

* Put a towel over the baby and yourself when feeding

* Elevate the baby all the time- Brinn lived in a swing! {I bought this wedge that I put under the sheet in her crib to help elevate her when she was in her bed}

* Seems obvious, but pack more than one extra outfit in your diaper bag!

* Keep a wet bag, diaper trash bag, or even a Wal-Mart sack in the car for soaked clothes when not at home

* I put these disposable changing pads on top of EVERYTHING {i.e. swing, car seat, stroller} and it helped reduce the mess and/or laundry a little bit

* Feed smaller amounts more frequently

* Ask for help when you need help!

Hopefully this encourages at least one soul! Remember we are all in this life together!

Rooted In Christ

I sat down in my living room, early one morning with a pencil, paper, and my Bible in hand. For me, quiet time with the Lord and sleeping babies is the perfect combination. My little slice of heaven. This particular morning as I began to pray and read, the word ROOT jumped to the front of my mind. On my paper, I wrote God and The Root, side by side, as if one in the same. Beside that I listed what the word ROOT meant to me. I wrote root OF ALL THINGS, rooted IN ALL THINGS, ANCHORING all things, SUPPLYING life, and SUSTAINING life. 

A root by definition means anchorage or support, the heart or the essential core. Roots are used to keep straight and stable. And they are necessary and vital for growth, development, and repair. Knowing these things, then isn’t that exactly what Jesus is for us? For me, the answer is plain and simple. YES, of course He is! Jesus is our anchor. Jesus is our support. He keeps us straight and stable in the dirt and grit of this sin filled world. He is the provider of both spiritual and physical growth. He is the healer and great physician when we are broken. Whether we accept His gift or not, Jesus is waiting and longing to be the giver and sustainer of joyous, abundant life in Christ! 

But after giving this more thought, I was forced to ask myself some tough questions. Will I let Christ take root in my life today? Not tomorrow, not next week, not later when its convenient, but today- right this moment, here and now? Realizing that He’s given himself to me as a gift, will I allow God to be firmly rooted in every single aspect of my life? Let Him be the anchor to my whole world? My marriage, my home, my work, my friendships, my hobbies, what about the music I listen to? Pressing in a little deeper and even more personal, what about my relentless, constant battle with worry and anxiety? Definitely one of my biggest struggles. 

Matthew 6:25, 26 reads, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into the barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” 

If God can love and care for every little bird then don’t I trust in my Lord enough to let go of my worries and anxieties? January 2nd of My Utmost For His Highest {a daily devotional book by Oswald Chambers} says, “Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him. Then think about how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is! Let the attitude of your life be a continual willingness to “go out” in dependence upon God…” Do I trust enough to know that HE’S GOT THIS ALL UNDER CONTROL even when I don’t?! When I really put myself under the microscope, I must admit, I fall short. But I don’t want to. I want to trust. I want to surrender. I want to invite Him into every piece of my life. 

Colossians 2:6, 7 says “Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.” 

Recently, I must confess, I’ve been very convicted about being intentional. Being more purposeful. I want to be intentional with my time. Of course, time with my family. But most importantly, intentional about my time spent with the Lord. Frankly, spending more time with the Lord. Can’t I be more intentional, more purposeful and allow Christ to plant roots in every aspect of my life? 

Jeremiah 29:12-13 says, “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” 

Am I seeking Jesus as my anchor? Am I allowing Him to take root in my life? 

As I continued to think of Christ in terms of roots. My mind was drawn to storms. And from there I thought about seasons. Currently, my life would be best described as spring (also known as tornado season) or possibly even fall (hurricane season). While both seasons are full of beauty and visible, obvious signs of God’s handiwork, there are also plenty of storms. Much like my life right now. Because we are human and live in a sin filled world, I know all or most of you can relate. But Christ tells us to expect storms in this life. The storms of suffering are necessary and character building. 

Romans 5:3-5 tells us “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” 

My backyard was, for a very long time, full of azaleas. A beautiful, breathtaking sight for 2 weeks out of the year. We recently made the difficult, bittersweet decision to remove the azaleas from the center of my backyard in search of a more kid friendly, snake free environment. These azaleas have weathered many storms. 30-40 years worth of storms most likely, which tells me…they had good, strong roots. Roots so strong and so deep, we had to pull them up by way of tractor and chain. These roots supplied nourishment, sustained life, and anchored the azaleas deep into the earth. Storms are going to come. The enemy will do literally anything to attack and destroy. We, much like the azaleas, need to be firmly rooted, fed by the Holy Spirit and God’s Word. Firmly rooted in Christ, the giver and sustainer of life here on earth and life everlasting. When the inevitable storms come, don’t be pulled up by the enemy! I pray you grab hold of your roots and hang on for dear life! It’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be worth it!

Will you let Christ take root in your life today?